farewell.

ok. i talk crappy things ere. puerile and insensible. i’m so gonna abandon this. goodbye blog, and bye bye thoughts. i wudnt want to turn back. sayonara for good.

……

i am blind and crazy and stupid.

camping

i’m burning with excitement. going to cameron today for doe camping. i feel kinda weird coz i nevr liked camping. NEVER! except obs. but dis time, i’m looking forward to it. i’m so in d mood to do adventurous stuff right now. well, i know ive got to walk for miles and miles carrying my rucksack on my back. i just finished packing and u can never imagine how darn heavy my rucksack is. guess i just need sumtime to remove sum thoughts off my mind. most unfortunately, exam isnt over yet. still,  i wnt to realx and just enjoy myself during d camping. (but i bring along my stats paper tho… huhuu). rite. gtg daaa

random

well, i would say life so far has turned d way which favours me more. though few things didnt really feel me out. but i guess you just have to be grateful and thankful for what has been given to you. think of others who suffer more. i should be happy for having what i currently have now. a happy family, bunch of jolly good friends, serenity, happiness, someone who’s there to draw big smiles on my face bank negara scholarship (hahahahaha) and other things as well.

so even when i think i screwed my chem paper like darn hell dis morning, i still can have a good laugh at it. but, ocoz, there’s an important lesson to be learnt ; things (specifically, chem revision) shoudnt be done at the eleventh hour, no more daydreaming in chem class and be more positiv in viewing d subject itself.

i just realised i have no one but myself to move things the way i want it to be. no more being too dependent and relying 100% on others. i have feelings and i have brain and i fill myself with good thoughts and if other parts of me could talk, they’ll scream off ‘THANKS’ to me. u bet… haha.

alright. i would love to write (actually type) sumting meaningful. but hold on, i’ve just had my brain squashed this morning. give me a break. daaa

ps : just woke up btw. sorry for any spelling/grmmatical errors.

SLEEPING IS AWESOME!

expect d unexpected

u’ll never appreciate things till they disappear. similarly, u’ll never appreciate ppl till u lose them. i wonder why.. sum kind of nature forces or just a norm or maybe a tradition or practice?

maybe sum ppl are too complacent about what they have and cudnt think more of what might come up unexpectedly or surprisingly that cud be despairing. i wud enjoy good surprises but some bad shocking bombshell are just distressing. 

we are in a very vulnerable position coz we are powerless and defenseless creature. thus, make d most of evrything by living life d way it is. Dont forget The Almighty coz when u turn away from him, everything seems narrow and constricted. Remember Him and you’ll feel tranquil.

ps : positiv! positiv!

fatigue

i feel weak. i have frequent headache. and dats bothering me lately. i wish i cud help mom doing all the house works. or at least, keep any eye on those two hyper little brothers of mine. but this lethargy stops me from doing so. and i feel guilty. Nyai is away at d moment coz of sum high fever. and i hate to see mom doing evrything alone. i’m not ailing or sick. shud b ok. but feeling tired most of d time. i really dun like this happening. =s.

unforgettable memories

i miss my life in kys a lot. i know m so emotional, perhaps overemotional, but maybe up to this point i have to admit how much i regretted for not appreciating the moments, i mean PRECIOUS moments, i had back then. to the present students, it would be their utmost pleasure to leave and join the kyser as soon as they can but if they happen to read this, let me tell you sumting. u gonna miss dat school a lot especially your pals and sum teachers maybe. and the dormitories and d field, in other words, wateva within d school compound. and u know wat, i even miss the showers and toilets at d dorm coz d showers at kyuem are so microscopic, if i do say so myself. hahaha. 

so now m going to walk down the memory lane and reminisce about d good old times. see wat i can call to mind…..

Perjanjian Burney. i can still rmmber about perjanjian burney. not d perjanjian as in d perjanjian burney according to sej text book, you nerd! (haha). this is a different yet special perjanjian burney between shoe and i. it actually supposed to be perjanjian ‘burning’ coz its a perjanjian between us to skip anything that is compulsory and keep our mouth sealed without telling anyone bout it. haha. we’ll go sneak to sumwhere and hide probably and ‘burn’ wateva that we were passing over. yeay! things dat we usually left out purposely will always b sports (who wouldnt, right girls? hehe.), dinner sumtimes, yassin on thursday night (but we still do d reciting either at d dorm or musolla), tarawikh during ramadhan (again, we didnt leave that out totally. we still prayed at the dorm or d mussola), wat else eh? hmmm dats all i can think of right now. 

mase form 5, i still rmmber when we skipped sports hour. there were shoe fiza and i. we heard footsteps walking up the stairs to the f5 dorms. probably ibu, or maybe pn mazrifah, or worst, SHIDA!!. so we switched off d fan immediately and went hiding bawah meja kat rec room. controlling our breath and lying still for few minutes. and gave a big big sigh after whoever inspecting went off. phew! 

when we were in form 5, many of us chose to stay up late and do revision or homeworks but being d slothful me, i rejoiced when d clock strikes 12 coz mase untuk tidur is d most awaiting time for me (except when i was with him coz time spent with him was more loved XD). so those who spent time doing academic work will find themselves saturated at one point and need to chill out for a minute or two to take that whole load off. d usual situation :

waeng from dorm f4 will come visit dorm f3 with her yellow kaftan while holding a hanger. (i dunno wats with d hanger tho haha). since my bed was at d very front, she’ll come peep at me (unfortunately i was asleep) then she turned around to alya (whose bed was in front of mine) and went “alya tak tdur lagi. noTTY girl” in bitchy slang. next, nuna’s bed. she had always been a late night sleeper, stay up buat homeworks or study. and waeng will surely go “nuna tak tidur lagi gak. bad gurrrrl”, emphasizing the ‘gurrrl’ part. after she had marched to and fro then she’ll leave d dorm, probably feeling a bit more relaxed after hours of studying.

i once stayed up till 3 or 4 in d morning to study physics. actually trying to self-study coz i havent been listening and focusing in class at dat time. we didnt switch off d light coz -for d first ever time-, the guard had forgotten to ask us to. truthfully, i hadnt been studying sgt pun dat night. farhanah and i just had fun together and kinda “partied all nite“. haha. she bukak d song whine up and did some neck-turn-around and alas, her neck got stiff after sum time. i did warn her on dat. and we laughed.

snoop dog? hahaha. shoe used to call me dat. and i used to call her doggie in return. haha. so one night, we tied our hair into two ponytails and acted crazily mcm anjing. i tink we did take pictures mase tu but i just cudnt find them till now. hish.. still, we had fun! =)

how bout wawasan 2020? shoe and i were good bedmates when we were in form 5 and we often make a fuss over our fat thighs and since we took part in d high jump event, we feel its a must for us to start doing sum daily effective workouts to make dis hideous fats of ours GONE and never return. haha. so before tdo each day, we did sum exercisesla. ppl say such things will distort your growth but none of us did really care. we need no more physical growth for goodness sake. in fact, we have already overgrown oursleves. haha. sum of d exercises we did were cycling in d air and many others which didnt secrete sweats ocoz (i wouldnt want to sleep in dampness) and can easily be done while lying on d bed. wawasan 2020 is d name for it coz its a wawasan for us two to thin down our big thighs and 2020 coz evry movements we did must b 20 times for each leg. hahaha.

pooh club?? hahhaha. mase form 1 and form 2, we created a new underground club, dat is pooh club. d members ; fiza, shoe, me, cham, yun. kitorg ade meeting tau. usually on saturday night. i was d secretary and i still kept d record book with a cute pooh on d front cover. i was supposed to jot down wateva activities we did during d meeting. such as playing games. riddles and stuff. d president (fiza) had to present d prizes to d winner at d end of d meeting but i cnt rmmber wat prizes she gave. maybe chocs or pooh stuff. d last meeting we had was when nisha wanted to join in d club and we had a welcoming sorta-party for her. we played ‘confession’ where each members kne confessed sumting to d others. it was fun. really.

oh ya. amanah-rajin meeting. mase tu form 3 kot. or form 2. i barely remmber but wat i know is we had a meeting between certain amanahians and rajinians. dat was actually not a meeting as in official meeting or a meeting discussing sumting but more of a ngumpat session. haha. it all started after d final exam. teachers cud care less about us and we were left on our own, freely to go anywhere and everywhere. hhaha. so d popular spot, d studio! oh i think i cud recall. mase tu form 1. haha. sbb mase tu studio 1 was under renovation so they moved out every stuff so d studio was dead empty. and we did d so called meeting der. it was called amanah-rajin meeting coz no taatians was involved. there were byot, hdar, tupai, chakoy and many others. we planned to do dat meeting mase form 2 but sumhow cudnt find d time to gather. but d meeting we had previously was so much fun. gossiping was also d main ‘activity’. haha

owh mase form 1. during annual dinner, we danced to d song senorita for our performance. each must have a dance partner. nuna was coupled up with gmon coz she’s taller than me by 1 mm. so she got d tallest guy. and i got d second tallest guy who was actually shorter than me. and who’s dat shortie? HAIQAL! hahahah. for d first ever time i actually talked to him during d dance and till now, whenever i came across d senorita song, i’ll immediately think of him. XD. one night before d dinner, we had our final practise and haiqal warned me not to wear high heels coz then he’ll look way shorter la kan but sadly, i did. bwahahha! too bad so sad. i’m tall and you’re short. but look how much you have grown over d 5 years. big guy now huh? hahaha.

talking bout heights, i always find gbo cute gle dlu mase form 1 coz he was so small. and i still rmmber back then in 2003, during sports day, my dad took a video of me in 4×100m event. and i just watched dat video few hours ago. omg memalukan. nevertheless, we got 2nd place. okla tu. haha. anyway, before d event, while i was tying up my spikes lace, gbo called me from d other end of d track width and showing his thumbs up wishing me good luck while jumping excitedly. how darn cute is dat!!!! gbo, if u happen to read this, i really swear you were like budak kecik yg sgt cute mase tu. and i dun lie. haha

and rmmber d incident where i jatuh on d track while running for 4×400m event mase form 1. it was about 35m from d finishing line, i lost balance and fell gedebuk! i stupidly laid still for few seconds instead of getting up quickly and finished d race. becoz of dat ‘lumpyness’, my team emerged as the third and dat was pretty sad coz i was leading before falling dramatically onto d ground (track actually). but ubee said, i fell stylishly. hahahahhaha. told ya it was dramatic.hehe.

ok2. i think dats enuf for this time around. will continue later.

daa.

part and parcel of life

life has its own little lessons which ppl regard negatively as mistakes in a negative way. but mistakes are the greatest teachers anybody can have that make u learn and be more aware of things instead of being a sheer blissful ignorant. and mistakes do move you forward in hopes to create a more meaningful and better future from d bygones. 

i’ve had mistakes which i admitted probably among the stupidest and greatest mistakes i’ve ever done. which cost me a person whom i dearly loved. 

and those blunders were like a slap to my face and i went “ouch”. and when i say ‘ouch’, it really means “OUCCHH!”. u can never imagine.

its like you being on a top of a mountain, happily viewing d magnificent sceneries from above with dat butterfly flying sensation in your tummy. and d next minute you find yourself rolling down d hill and settled at d bottom facing the sky, wishing how wonderful it is to be up der again. and you started to blame d slippery rocks dat caused u to tumble down and be hurt. 

take a look at urself and think back. if u hadnt been absentminded, incautious, blind and deaf, things wont go dis way. blame urself for not watching your steps and being super careless.

but time is irreversible and let bygones be bygones. have no regrets. evrything dat happens has its two sides, the dark and d bright. see not the bad, but d good things it brought alongside with dat painful occurrence. 

soon it;ll fly away and sumday u wud b thankful for such lessons in life.

pain is inevitable but stay strong and u’ll find how sweet those aches cud be.

love is undeniably a creeping evil, sweetened by words and gone sumtimes in a very queer and puzzling way.

but love is also a gift which gives good spirits and a sense of joviality and turn d world upside down with its blissfullness.

whichever it is, most importantly, love is not blind. it sees but doesnt mind.

“part and parcel of life…. hmmm.. how erratic….”

Fall For You

heaving a big sigh of relief. i’m done wit econs paper 2 now 2 more papers to go ; stats and econz paper 1. since i’m gonna have this weekend to myself, why not laze around for today (friday) and do things which i love d most. i’ve done d biggest sacrifice ever in my whole life. i havent on my laptop and go surfing as i usually did for hmmm 2 days? dats a long time okayy and now i have the entire evening free and m gonna spend time with my beloved macbook. awww, God knows how much i miss him.hehe.. 

i’m so proud of myself. my econs paper ended at 10am so around 10++ i started doing house chores (if you call this chalet a ‘house’…). i shud take a picture of my room dis morning and post it here and die of embarassment and post a second picture after much of cleaning and mopping and sweeping and i’ll be reborn once again. XD

i did sum effective compilation of notes and past year exam papers. i rubbed all the dust away. i washed all the dirty clothes. (not so dirty, in fact, not at all. just have been used. heh ;)..) i swept d floor ; my room and the whole chalet. (farhanah did d mopping after dat). then i mopped my bedroom floor. i didnt use the mop tho. instead, i used a piece of wet duster drenced in my shower foam. u know, the cinderella style. hahaha. (the ajax fabulaso dah habis la…=s).. then d final bit.. jeng jeng jeng… i cleaned the toilet!!! . gee, i never done that before. so far ive cleaned the sink area but not d toilet as in the toilet bowl… fancy that! hhahaha. i poured the goodmaid’s blueish sticky liquid down the toilet bowl and left it der for 15 minutes. and then i used d thing ppl use to clean toilet. the outcome - it wasnt blink blink enuf but it looks cleaner and …hmmmm… its clean. dats all. haha.

my mom wud be so proud of me. *wink*.

i dun want to talk bout my recent trials. math was ok but ive lost 6 marks due to sum unforgivable, non-negotiable stupid careless mistake. and dat was for d first question. mr highton wud make fun of me because of dat. previously when i had the AP/GP question wrong (becoz of careless mistake), he said ” oh dis girl cant do progression”. i dun really mind actually but i guess i’ll forever do careless mistakes, if not much, then less but d probability of its occurence will always be 1. *sigh*. well, maybe i cud avoid it but “dear mr invigilator,can u giv me extra one hour for dat, pleaaaaaaase?” . econz is so out of d question coz i havent fully prepared for it. but essay question was quite ok. lucky me then!

anyway, byot requested a song from fly fm 2 days back and my chaletmates and i heard him on air. hahahaha. he sounded differently. more gentle i wud say. kahkahkahkah.. well, dat song was fall for you by secondhand serenade. omg i’m so in love wit dat song. pretty sweet. i wish sumone wud dedicate it to me. *dreamy smile*. hahahahahahahah. yea, dream on………….

before i stop, here;s a quote for you to ponder on…i got it frm miss madeline.

“ The most wasted day is the day which i never laughed”.

indeed, true. so brighten your day with happy smiles on your face. weeeeee.

stewpid

there u go again zaf. u always act stupidly and regret cam org tah pape in d end.
if only u think beofre u do sumting. it’ll be wiser. much wiser. change!